Hey guys, its been a while since I first came on here, I appreciate the support and notice you all gave me this month!! Thank you so much and I hope this keeps up!! I look forward to do more around on here!!
However guys, there is a thing I want to tell you about me. I am a sensitive person that usually gets upset at triggering subjects (politics, drama, cancellations and all that) and most of the time I go through these feelings alone and I don't know who to talk to.
Speaking of loneliness, its a common feeling that I deal with. No one I want to see interacts with me often, my art goes unseen by people, whenever I vent barely anyone comes, and so on. Its a feeling that I don't want to experience anymore. Also I feel voiceless sometimes, like what I said about me venting and trying to let out my feelings and opinions, but no one seems to care. I don't want this to happen anymore. I love supporting people, but it feels like no one tries to support me back often.
Also like loneliness, I often experience jealousy. Usually among other artists I would envy how much their art skill is superior to mine, but nowadays this doesn't really happen anymore. Instead, I feel jealous of the amount of attention artists are getting compared to mine. And another things is that they have better friends and mutuals, i don't know how they ended up with them, for me I usually end up with cringy, embarrassing people I don't really like being around, especially on DeviantART. There is a lot of great people to see and talk to here on NG and thats one of the reasons why I came here, to get away from those people.
Another thing is that I get ignored a lot. I would like to chat with bigger and talented artists, maybe even art trade/commission them, or for some advice to be better, but I usually get ignored when I go to chat with them and it makes me sad. Even my friends ignore me sometimes, I know that they're busy a lot but it happens too much. I actually have a lot of free time on my hands. I feel like people don't enjoy my company as much as others and they plan to avoid me, and it makes me sadder. I never get gift art that often, even though I love seeing my OCs drawn by other people. And when someone I know, even a bigger creator, makes me upset, I want to talk to them to vent out how I feel, but I get ignored, and I also know it can be borderline impossible to have a chance talking with someone bigger in status.
When others are sad, people are there, but when Im sad, I feel that no one cares except for the creeps, keeps getting worse for me and I don't want this. :(
I see lots of artists getting together and the validation and love they receive almost everyday, but its never tat often for me, I usually feel alone, inferior, and unloved.
I feel alienated from fandoms and other corners from society, artists receiving attention and friends for liking the same show or game, and sometimes their art skills are superior to mine. Vivziepop's creations (Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss) are one example, Mao Mao and Steven Universe are others. I see so many Animal Crossing fans, but I don't play that game since I feel its hard for me, but in the end I feel alienated. And my fanart of things I like don't get as much attention as other artists.
I also deal with fake people, people that decided to ignore me or cut me off for no clear reason, even the bigger artists cut me off sometimes. I also lose friends too, whether its a mess up or leaving the internet, and even what I mentioned above, fake people.
So yeah guys.... I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to feel alone, ignored, alienated, inferior, envious, and to compare myself to others anymore. I don't want to feel like a loser anymore. I want to have more caring, supporting, sincere, and/or talented people in my life, not creeps I often deal with. I'm sorry that I vented a bit, but I just wanted to get this out of my system. I just want love and for people to be there for me. I hope you understand guys....
And I want to thank you for the support and friends that I met during my time on the site, I appreciate it~ I hope you all are there for me and have my back during my time here, I need some caring people in this world, and I would gladly care for you all back <3
I love you all and thank you very much ^^ dont be afraid to reach out for me, its greatly appreciated :)
